Psychology for Missionaries

Another major area of psychology is emotion which is closely related to motivation in the last chapter. In fact, the root “moti” is obvious in both. This topic completes coverage of the three “elements” the early structuralists studied when Wundt and his colleagues set out to study the structure of consciousness and began psychology. When they reduced consciousness to its elements through introspection, they concluded that the three elements were sensations (covered in Chapter 4), images (cognitions covered in Chapter 5), and affective states (emotions in Chapter 7). Although the structural school of psychology disappeared from the scene more than a century ago, sensations, cognitions, and emotions are still a vital part of psychology.

Emotion is comprised of a combination of physiological responses, conscious experiences, and expressive behaviors. Although psychologists basically agree on these three components, they disagree on the relationship between the three, especially the order in which they occur.

Emotion fits into our Christian perspective as shown in the Figure 7:1. It should be obvious that the physiological response aspect of emotion fits under the animal-like side at the lower left part (Physiological….. Emotion). The expressive behavior part could be placed there as well as noted near the top of the left column where psychology is defined.

Likewise, the conscious experience component fits well under the Godlike part on the lower right of Figure 7:1 (Emotion….Conscious). Conscious experience is a mental process or cognition also found above it in the right column.

Theories of emotion usually mention these physiological changes and conscious experiences, but the theories disagree over which comes first in emotion. For example, if people were walking along a sidewalk and suddenly a snarling dog lunged against the fence beside them, most people would say that they were afraid and then jumped back trembling. That is, the conscious experience occurred first followed by the physiological changes. This is often called the common sense theory as shown below.

Dog lunges Feel fear Jump back/tremble

(conscious (physiological

experience) changes)

Here are the major theories proposed since psychology began in the nineteenth century.

During the late nineteenth century William James and Carl Lange proposed that physiological changes occurred first followed by the conscious experience, exactly opposite of the common sense theory. In our example, if people were walking along a sidewalk and suddenly a snarling dog lunged against the fence beside them and, without thinking, they jumped back, then they noticed that they were shaking all over and their hearts were pounding. It is only when they noticed the trembling that they felt the fear as shown below.

Dog lunges Jump back/tremble Feel fear

(physiological (conscious

changes) experience)

Though common sense would tell us that it is our fear that caused us to tremble the James-Lange theory remained basically unchallenged in psychology for nearly 40 years.

During the first half of the twentieth century Walter Canon and Philip Bard proposed that the physiological responses and conscious experiences were parallel processes that occurred independent of each other. By then the thalamus had been discovered as the “switchboard” of the brain through which most senses traveled on the way to higher centers. Thus, when the dog lunged at people, the neural impulses went to the thalamus. The thalamus then simultaneously sent impulses that caused them to jump back, began to tremble, and felt the fear all at the same time. Neither one occurred first, and neither one depended on the other as shown below.

Jump back/tremble

(physiological)

Dog lunges Thalamus changes)

Feel fear

(conscious

interpretation)

The James-Lange and the Cannon-Bard theories remained the two most popular theories in psychology for another 40 years. Some research favored one theory and other research favored the other, but neither was shown to be the best.

In the last half of the twentieth century as the cognitive revolution took place in psychology, Stanley Schachter and Jerome Singer proposed a two-factor theory of emotion combining the other two theories. Since the physiological reactions in all emotions are so similar they believed that individuals had to interpret what the emotion was. That is, when the dog jumped at people they trembled, and when they gave the cognitive label “I’m afraid,” they felt the fear as shown below.

Dog lunges Jump back/tremble Feel Fear

(physiological (cognitive

changes) interpretation)

If people noted that they were trembling and their heart was pounding while they were kissing an attractive member of the opposite sex (rather than jumping back from a dog), they would likely have used the cognitive label, “I’m in love.”

Now in the first half of the twenty-first century after another 40 years of research, these three theories of emotion appear in many general psychology textbooks. No theory has emerged as the one that explains everything. This is not the place to try to decide which theory is best; however, it is the place to note that all three of the theories include both physiological changes and conscious experiences.

The physiological changes that take place when people become emotionally aroused are controlled by the autonomic nervous system. This system usually operates without people thinking about it or even being aware that it is doing so. Just as its name says, it is autonomous. It regulates many of the glands and smooth muscles inside the body, such as the pancreas, the liver, the heart, the arteries, and the bladder.

The autonomic nervous system has two parts, the parasympathetic division and the sympathetic division. The parasympathetic division is prominent during most of the time while the people are carrying out the routine tasks of everyday life. This system has a calming effect on the body to conserve energy during everyday life. It can operate to stimulate just one part of the body at a time, such as stimulating digestion after a meal without affecting heart rate.

The sympathetic division of the autonomic nervous system becomes dominant whenever something happens to arouse emotion. When people are frightened, angry, or challenged, the sympathetic division arouses nearly all of the glands and muscles it controls. This system operates as a unit, so that all systems are ready to meet the situation that has come up. It operates as a unit because it has many interconnections near the spinal cord, uses long-lasting noradrenaline as a neurotransmitter, and causes the adrenal glands to secrete adrenaline and noradrenaline, stress hormones, which are carried all over the body by the bloodstream. This general arousal prepares individuals for action, for fight, or for flight. Here are some of the things that occur.

When people become emotional, they burn more energy so they need more oxygen. The sympathetic nervous system makes them breathe deeper and more frequently to provide the needed energy. Although people may not notice the changes in their own breathing until someone else calls their attention to it, it is a sign of high emotion.

To carry nourishment to the muscles, the heart rate accelerates. Other people may not be able to detect this pounding heart, but people in highly emotional states who pause to look for it, are likely to realize that they have rapid heart rates.

To send energy to the muscles, blood is shunted away from the gut and digestion is inhibited. The sympathetic nervous system innervates the stomach so people in emotional states may say they “have butterflies” in their stomach as they become aware of this stimulation.

As part of the slowing of digestion the sympathetic nervous system decreases salivation. During emotional times people notice that their mouth is dry and they have trouble speaking. Tense speakers often carry water to the podium with them.

Burning the extra calories creates additional heat, so the sympathetic system increases perspiration to evaporate and cool the body. During emotional times people may notice even sweaty palms.

To let in more light, the sympathetic nervous system causes the pupils of the eyes to dilate. Of course, during emotional periods people are unlikely to notice this, but others talking with them can observe the intensity of the emotion by watching the pupils.

This list of changes brought about by the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system can go on and on. The idea is that it is preparing the body to act, to fight or flee.

For further information about specific topics in emotion click on the following links to parts of Chapter 9 in Dewey’s on-line text.

Just as there are many physiological changes during emotion, there are many emotions that people report having. The list can reach into the thousands as shown at http://www.eqi.org/fw.htm. However, only four common emotions are considered here: Anger, happiness, grief and guilt.

When Jonah is mentioned, we usually think of his disobedience. In reality Jonah was a cross-cultural missionary whose ministry was incredibly successful. After some hesitation, he went into the large, important city where God had called him and preached the message God had given him. The people, including the king, responded by fasting, praying, and giving up their evil ways. However, instead of returning to his passport country with exciting reports of the salvation of 120,000 people, he sat down to pout.

Jonah’s attitudes did not match his successful ministry. He became angry, and his anger generalized to many different categories of people and things.

· He was angry with the people group to whom God had called him to minister. It was an evil city, one which a fellow prophet had pointed out was filled with liars, killers, and thieves (Nahum 3:1). Jonah’s anger had turned to hatred, and though he preached to them, he really wanted them destroyed because they had been so cruel to his people.

· He was angry with God. He said to God, “I knew it! That is why I didn’t want to come in the first place. I knew that you were a loving, compassionate God who would forgive them!” God did not destroy the people as he had hoped; Jonah asked God to take his life; and then he went outside to city and sat down to see what would happen (4:1-5).

· He was angry with the vine when it withered and no longer gave him shade (4:6-9). If living today, he would be angry with the electricity when it went off, with the computer when it crashed, and with the car when it quit.

Like many people you know, perhaps including yourself, Jonah had a problem with anger. Let us consider whether or not anger is sinful, why we get angry, what we can do with the anger, and whether or not we can change people who make us angry.

Is anger sinful? Some Christians maintain that if we are truly spiritual, we will never become angry, or never express it if we do. However, the Bible approves of anger in some instances, but with warnings about it. We must never forget that “anger” is only one letter away from “danger.” Even as Jonah was praying to God and mentioning his grace and compassion, he pointed out that God was slow to anger (4:2).

· Jesus was angry on occasion, but also warned about it. When people were watching him to see if they could accuse him of healing on the Sabbath, he “looked around at them in anger,” was distressed about their attitude, and went ahead and healed the man (Mark 3; 1-6). However, he also said that people angry at someone (perhaps without cause) were subject to judgment (Matthew 5:22).

· Both Old and New Testaments tell us, “In your anger, do not sin.” (Psalm 4:4; Ephesians 4:26). Paul tells the Ephesians to get over their anger soon, and continues on telling them to “get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger” (4:31).

· Both Old and New Testaments point out the importance of being “slow to anger.” As noted above, Jonah said that God was slow to anger. James notes that we should be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” if we want righteousness (James 1:19).

Anger is one of those things that may be sinful at some times and not at others, so we must be very careful of the danger of falling into sin when we become angry.

Why do we get angry? Here are a few of the many reasons people become angry.

· Genetics. Just as some people are born with a predisposition toward depression (another emotion), some people may be born with a predisposition to respond with anger. Things that would be shrugged off by most people result in anger.

· Learning. Others see the expression of anger modeled inappropriately as they are growing up and/or are rewarded for angry behavior themselves, so they learn to respond with anger.

· Control. Still others have discovered that when they respond with anger, they can manipulate other people, so they use it as a means of control.

· Frustration. One of the responses to having something, or someone, keep us from getting what we want is anger.

· Injustice. Of course, most people have experienced anger being aroused when they perceive injustice being done, especially to someone for whom they care deeply.

What do we do with anger? Cultures vary widely in their prescriptions for how to handle anger, and those prescriptions change with time and place.

· Suppression. From the time of Plato through the Puritans to the present, some people in western culture have said that you must suppress anger at all costs. You can control it; therefore you must control it. Living in silent submission changes nothing, and such people may progress to chronic bitterness—or occasionally even to a sudden outburst.

· Catharsis. Likewise, others have said that it is unhealthy for you to control your anger, so you should not be expected to control it. In fact, if you do control it, you may become physically ill or emotionally disturbed. If you just express your anger and get it out of your system, you will feel relieved and all will be OK. Phineas (Joshua 22:13-20) is a good example of this approach. He was ready to go to war with the other tribes (reminiscent of his action in Numbers 25), and he launched into a “How could you, how could you” tirade. Unfortunately, research shows that expressing your anger may become a habit. Your relief is short-lived, and you become more likely to respond with rage in the future.

· Both. What is needed is neither complete suppression nor unbridled expression, but a controlled expression. Rather than the result being bitterness or rage, anger can result in appropriate confrontation. A good example of this is found in the answer to Phineas (Joshua 22:21-29) as shown in the next section.

What are some guidelines for expressing anger? Phineas had unjustly accused the people of building another altar, displeasing God, and perhaps bringing destruction on everyone (Joshua 22). We do not know the name or names of the persons who answered him, but their principles can be expressed in a double acrostic of the English vowels AEIOU.

· A: Affirm the Almighty (v. 22). They began by declaring their allegiance to God. This means that the goal of pleasing God is one that both groups have in common.

· E: Explain your Excogitating (a big word for thinking that starts with an “E”) (vs. 23-29). They elaborate on their thinking to explain their motivations and intentions. They seem to overdo it and go through the explanation too many times, but often that is necessary if the other party is also upset.

· I: “I” messages (not “you” messages) on the Issue (vs. 23-29). Their presentation is done in the first person with “we,” “us,” and “our” (plural of “I”) occurring 21 times. They talked about their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, rather than pointing their fingers and saying, “You….” They also stuck to the issue of the memorial, rather than accusing Phineas and his group of offending God themselves by what they were doing.

· O: Open to being the Offender (v. 23). They also remained open to the possibility that they had done something wrong, “If we have.…” Remember, you may be the one in the wrong, and you may be the one who has to repent.

· U: Unity before Unanimity (v. 30-31). They were not trying to persuade Phineas and his group that their position was right but really wanted to get back into fellowship with them. It worked. Everyone was pleased, placated, and praised God.

How can we change people who make us angry? You can’t change anyone else, but you can change yourself. The anger is yours, and only you can determine how you react to what other people do. Your anger can serve you, or it can destroy you. Anger, like other emotions, involves your mind, your body, your spirit, and your behavior.

· Mind. Change how you perceive and interpret things. For example, instead of blaming the other person, consider how you have reacted inappropriately in similar situations in the past. For example, instead of thinking how bad the other person is, think about how his or her day may be going badly.

· Body. Learn some relaxation and cooling-off techniques that will calm your body down. For example, pause, take a few deep breaths, and intentionally relax the muscles you feel tensing throughout your body.

· Spirit. Missionaries, like other Christians, would know that things such as prayer, reading Scripture, and meditation are spiritually uplifting, helpful with anger.

· Behavior. Learn new habits and skills to help you respond in an anger-producing situation. For example, instead of raising your voice, silently count to 10 (or 20, or whatever it takes). Instead of sulking or pouting, get some exercise by taking a walk or jog. Instead of arguing, engage in some enjoyable distraction (hobby, game, etc.) for a while.

We do not know if Jonah ever resolved his anger, but we do know that we do not have to leave our anger unresolved and become bitter as he did.

You may have noticed that some missionaries are always unhappy, comparing themselves with others and wishing they had what others have. The list of things they wish for seems to be endless, including such things as an ability to speak the language better, better housing, higher salary, larger classes, fewer committee assignments, more spirituality, more people attending their church, less paperwork, a better vehicle, and so forth.

If you are completely honest, you have probably noticed the same thing in yourself. You have wanted what someone else has. When you get it, you feel happy for a short time; then you want more—or you want something else.

This never-ending cycle is as old as humanity itself. In Genesis 3 the serpent appealed to Eve by noting that if she ate the forbidden fruit she would be like God. She was already made in God’s image, but she wanted more. She ate, and sin entered.

In Genesis 4 Cain wanted the same blessing Abel had received, so he killed his brother (as if that would get God’s blessing). Read on through the heroes of the faith in Genesis.

Over and over unhappy people compared themselves with others and envied what others had. Since this phenomenon is so pervasive and is found throughout history, let us look at the relationship between happiness, comparison, and envy.

Happiness. The second paragraph of the U. S. Declaration of Independence begins with “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” One must remember that this is a political statement, not Scripture. All people are not created equal except at the foot of the cross.

Believing that all people should be equal, contemporary Americans frequently make comparisons and are unhappy to find that people are not equal. One must also note that the Declaration says only that one has the right to pursue happiness (not that everyone will find it).

· First, happiness depends on your past experience, especially your recent past experience. For example, suppose you have lived in an apartment with 900 square feet for five years and your agency gives you one with 1200 square feet. It will feel very large, and you will be much happier with it—for a while. However, you will soon adapt to the new size, and your happiness will drop back to what it was in the smaller apartment. The same is true for an increase in salary, fewer committees, a new vehicle, and so forth. There is always an increase in happiness, followed by a gradual return to the original level as you adapt.

Ecclesiastes 5:10 refers to this when it says, “Whoever loves money never has money enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with his income.” No matter how much money you make, how large living space you have, or what kind of vehicle you get, adaptation will occur, and you will want more.

Comparison. You may be satisfied with what you have until you find out what others have. Using the apartment example, you may feel a little cramped in your 900 square foot apartment but not even be thinking about how small it is until you walk into a couple of your colleagues new apartments and find that they have more space than you—both of them have nearly 1200 square feet!

People usually compare themselves with those they consider to be equal to, or slightly above, them. When they find out that those others have more, they become dissatisfied with what had made them happy.

This is illustrated in the parable Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 20. He told about the owner of a vineyard who early in the morning agreed to pay several men a denarius for a day’s work. Four more times during the day he hired more workers and sent them in. When he paid everyone a denarius at the end of the day, the men hired early were unhappy and complained. They were happy with their wages until they found out what the others were paid.

These comparisons where we feel like we have come up short often lead not only to unhappiness, but also to envy.

Envy. Rather than just feeling dissatisfied, we want what the other people have—we envy them. Envy grows out of coveting and being unable to have the desired object, such as the 1200 square foot apartment. Envy is more than just coveting what another person has. It is not being able to have the larger apartment because someone else has it. No one easily confesses to such envy because it seems to be the nastiest and meanest of the seven cardinal sins.

Furthermore, envy can never result in gratification—no enjoyment, only endless self-torment as its appetite increases. Envy is not merely wanting another’s good, but wanting to pull the other person down. This leads to resentment, backbiting, spite, accusation, hatred, and even murder, as we saw with Cain and Abel.

Envy eventually spreads to all of our attitudes and relationships. King Saul’s envy of David after the Goliath episode is well known. Note in 1 Samuel 18 how this envy spread to other things about David.

Envious people do not even really love themselves. They are not grateful for, or happy in, what they are or what they have. This sin is deadly, less because it destroys people than because it will not let them live. It does not let them live as themselves grateful for the qualities and talents that God has given them, making the best and most rewarding use of those gifts. Their degradation of others is a reflection of their degradation of themselves. These people wind up alienated from themselves as well as others and “miss the party” like the elder brother of the prodigal son in Luke 15.

What can one do? Few people readily admit their sin of envy. It is so filled with self, wanting something because someone else has it, that it seems to be completely mean and nasty. Whenever we notice differences between us and others, we are likely to begin making comparisons, and those comparisons often lead to envy. Since few of us escape feelings of envy, what can we do when the Spirit makes us aware of our envy? What can we do to avoid falling into this trap?

· Confess and repent. As with any other sin, we are to confess it, and God has promised to forgive (1 John 1). If we deny our sin, we deceive ourselves and remain in it. When we are forgiven, we are to repent, not only to feel sorrow for the wrong we have done but also to turn from the sin itself. Following are ways to help you turn from envy, to avoid it rather than be trapped by it.

· Compare self with self. If you must make comparisons, compare yourself with yourself. Galatians 4:6 says, “Each man should examine his own conduct for himself; then he can measure his achievement by comparing himself with himself and not with anyone else.” Compare your apartment, salary, vehicle, and so forth now with what you had 10 or 20 years ago, not with what others have.

· Compare with those who have less. Rather than comparing yourself with people who have more, compare yourself with those who have less. Compare your apartment with the living conditions of the homeless. Compare your salary with the unemployed. Compare your vehicle with those who have no vehicle at all. Just as comparing yourself with those who are better off creates envy, so comparing yourself with those less well-off increases contentment. In fact, as you “count your blessings,” you may be motivated to share them with others. Such sharing will increase your satisfaction even more!

· Accept that nothing (no thing) brings lasting happiness. No matter what you have, you will soon adapt to it and want something better, whether it is housing, salary, vehicle, position, language ability, people in church, and so forth. Research in the late 20^th century showed that relationships were most highly correlated with happiness. Specifically the following relationships:

Although you cannot find happiness by pursuing it, happiness may find you as you are careful about comparisons, avoid envy, and keep the Great Commandment to love God and to love others as you love yourself.

Perhaps you have been feeling guilty lately but are not sure why. People are suffering. They are dying without Christ. Your work seems to make little difference. You are having difficulty maintaining a consistent devotional life. You just feel guilty about so many things that it is interfering with your work. You begin to wonder if you are guilty.

Am I guilty? This is the crucial question. All possible combinations of guilt and guilt feelings are possible. You may be guilty and not feel guilty, you may feel guilty and not be guilty, or you may be guilty and feel guilty. Any one of these is likely to interfere with your work as a missionary. You want to reach the place where you are not guilty and do not feel guilty.

The Bible says much about being guilty. A look in a concordance at “guilt” and “guilty” will reveal dozens of verses about being guilty of sin. When you break one of God’s commands, you are guilty—whether you feel guilty or not. If you are guilty, something needs to be done about the guilt, and we will discuss that later.

Why do I feel so guilty? Of course, you may feel guilty because you are guilty, and that is good. Although the Bible says much about being guilty, it says little about feeling guilty. If you feel guilty because you are guilty, you just need to do something about the sin. However, many people feel guilty without being guilty. In fact, the guilt feelings may even be stronger when there is no guilt. Here are a few examples of things other than sin that may produce guilt feelings:

· Falling short of your own expectations. This often happens during the first term, especially for perfectionists.

· Falling short of other’s expectations. Your church, your family, headquarters, and field director may expect more of you than you can possibly do.

· Not forgiving yourself. After God has forgiven your sin, you may not be able to forgive yourself even though your guilt is gone.

· Guilt trips by other people. Martha tried to “lay a guilt trip” on Mary for not working hard enough in Luke 10, and she even tried to get Jesus to join her.

· Oversensitive conscience. A good conscience will produce guilt when you sin; however, part of your conscience is learned in your culture, and you may feel guilty for many things that have nothing to do with sin.

· Survivor guilt. You may have gone through a traumatic situation and may feel guilty that you survived when others did not, or feel guilty about what you had to do to survive.

· Satan himself. Remember that Satan is the “accuser of the brothers” in 1 Peter 5 and Revelation 12. His accusations can make you feel guilty.

· Temptation. Although we are never promised that we will be beyond temptation, missionaries may feel guilty for being tempted to lie, cheat, or be sexually unfaithful.

Shame, rather than guilt, often brings on these guilt feelings. Guilt means that you have broken God’s command, fallen short of his expectations. Shame means that you have fallen short of the expectations of someone other than God. It may have begun when you walked through a mud puddle, soiling your new shoes. Your parents said, “Shame on you, you should have known better.” Perhaps there was no way for you to have known, and the Bible does not forbid walking in puddles, but you felt guilty.

Isn’t guilt bad? Of course it is. That’s a major goal of missions, to tell people in other cultures that God has solved the sin problem.

Aren’t guilt feelings bad too? They may or may not be. If they are caused by things other than sin, such as some of the examples given in the previous section, they are also bad. They will interfere with the missionary’s goal of telling others the good news.

Guilt feelings as a result of sin are good. These guilt feelings provide motivation for doing something about the sin in your life. Without them people seldom come to Christ and often have great difficulty in society, perhaps becoming antisocial personalities (psychopaths) and getting into serious legal trouble. Such guilt feelings tend to be strongest immediately after sin is committed, then to decrease as rationalizations are generated. You then no longer feel the guilt, at least not nearly as much, and your “heart is hardened,” making you much less likely to do something about the sin.

Are guilt feelings worse for missionaries? Guilt feelings may be worse for missionaries because of some special situations.

· Living standards. Some missionaries live quite affluently compared to the people they minister to and may feel guilty about their wealth. This is becoming less so as missionaries go to large cities.

· Suffering. Many of the people missionaries work with are suffering compared to Western standards, and all their needs simply cannot be met.

· Children’s education. Although MKs do better academically than non-MKs “back home,” missionaries may feel like they are not providing an adequate education.

· Aging parents. Since missionaries are out of their home country and do not have large financial resources, they may feel guilty about not caring for aging parents.

· Civil authorities. How can a missionary get anything done in a society where the local value system may conflict with that of the missionary? For example, what is the difference between a gratuity and a bribe?

People in their own cultures often have problems dealing with their affluence, the suffering of others, their children’s education, their aging parents, and their government, so the difference is one of degree, not of kind.

What can I do about guilt? The natural response to realizing you are guilty is to try to hide or rationalize, such as Adam and Eve did. However, that will not solve the problem. Missionaries are familiar with what to do about sin, but here is a review of the steps.

· Confession. Certainly confess your sins to God. You may also want to confess to people you have harmed as well. Confession usually should be only to those actually affected by the sin rather than to the general public.

· Repentance. Repentance is more than being sorry for your sins; it is a change of purpose or a change of mind. We are to turn from our sinful ways to God. After forgiving her, Jesus told the woman taken in adultery to sin no more.

· Restitution. As far as possible, try to make right the wrong you have done. If you have stolen something, you can usually return it. Of course, if you have destroyed another’s reputation, you may not be able to rebuild it.

What can I do about guilt feelings? That depends on the cause. If the guilt feelings are because of sin, follow the steps reviewed above. If the guilt feelings are because of other factors, you need to deal with each one individually. Let’s consider a couple of examples.

First-term missionaries often have very high expectations about what they will accomplish and feel guilty that they do not achieve their personal goals. In this case, they need to talk with an experienced missionary and set more realistic goals. Of course, they may still not lower their expectations, thinking that they are different, that their ministry will be more effective.

If the goals set for you by others are too high, ask to have them lowered. One teacher felt guilty for not spending the required number of minutes on each subject until she realized that the required number of minutes each day was an hour and twenty minutes longer than she had the children in class. The principal lowered the number of required minutes.

What if the guilt feelings don’t go away? Guilt feelings that you have had for a long time as a result of sin may become conditioned responses and remain even after the sin is forgiven. Just as Pavlov’s dogs salivated to the sound of a bell, so you may feel guilty when some event triggers the guilt feelings, even after the sin is forgiven and the guilt itself is gone. These responses gradually decrease and stop over time.

If they do not go away, you may need to talk with your pastor or a counselor about why they are still there. You may have hidden things under layer after layer of rationalization and may need someone else to help you sort it all out.

A related question is how to lead a consistent Christian life to keep from becoming guilty again. Two things are very important. First, maintain a consistent daily devotional life. Missionaries report that this is their most difficult “spiritual” activity. Second, get into an accountability relationship with others to check on each other weekly, or at some other regular interval. Agree with the others, as to what you will hold each other accountable for and give this meeting a high priority in your life. Include daily devotions in any accountability plan.

Christ died for our sins and there is no condemnation in Christ. There is no need to be hindered by guilt or guilt feelings.

Although we commonly think of grief as related to the death of a loved one, there are many other causes of grief. The dictionary defines grief as the “intense emotional suffering caused by loss of any kind.” Missionaries experience many losses that other people do not, so those people do not understand. There is no funeral or other ritual to assist in grieving over these losses. Missionaries may offer true, but over-spiritualized, platitudes in denial of the losses they experience. When people are dying and losing everything, we do not question their denial, anger, or depression before they come to accept their loss. Regarding losses other than death, missionaries may carry a load of unexpressed, unresolved grief.

More important than the “objective” severity of the loss is each person’s own interpretation of the loss. Leaving a pet may seem like a minor event to most people, but those who have had that pet for years may experience much grief. Here are several losses that may increase grief for missionaries.

Things? Everyone understands the loss of friends and family, but what about the house, the car, the supermarket, the school, the pets, the newspaper, and the toys? All of these, and more, are lost as you leave your passport country to become missionaries. Any, or all, may cause grief.

You may develop two homes, one in your passport country and one on the field. When you come “home,” people there cannot understand that you feel the loss of the smells, the foods, the animals, the friendliness of the people, and the music of the country where you have been serving. Losing these may cause grief when you return to your passport country.

Transfers? Headquarters calls, and you move to another field. You lose everything you have come to love over the last months or years. Grief comes again. Perhaps this culture has become home to your teens, and when you move to the new field, your older adolescents remain with other missionaries to finish school. They may be old enough to marry a national and stay behind forever—another loss and more grief.

The field committee asks you to take over a project that has not been handled well by another missionary. However, that means leaving what you have been doing so effectively—another loss. Your new project does not take off and the one you left also declines—more grief.

Transitions? You knew that being a missionary would mean moving even more often than other people do in our mobile culture. Built into long-term missionary life are usually at least two moves every five years, four years on the field and one at home. In addition are the countless moves to different fields, to different places on the same field, to different states on home assignment, etc. The list of transitions seems endless.

People sometimes say IBM means “I’ve Been Moved.” In the same way, MAF may seem to mean “Move Again, Friend,” or WGM may seem to mean “We’ve Gotta Move.” Missionaries are always saying good-bye, multiple good-byes to people, places, possessions and pets—grieving for all.

The hardest transitions seem to be premature departures. How do you say goodbye when you don’t want to leave? What if there has been a moral lapse? What if you have not been able to stand up under the emotional strain? What if headquarters just said to leave your assignment or to leave the mission? What if you are leaving in an evacuation? More grief.

Travel? Travel is exciting to many people, but to missionaries on deputation, it can be dreary. You have been away from home for several years on the field, and now you are away even more. When overseas you could not get home for the funeral of a friend (no money, no flight available, no time free), but now that you are at home, you cannot get back to the field for a funeral there—unresolved grief in both cases.

Before airplanes, travel time was a time to work through the loss, through grief. It took at least days, if not weeks, to get from country to country whether traveling by ship, train, or horse-drawn vehicle. Today missionaries finish packing, step onto the plane, and in a few hours are at their destination. They have had no time to work through the loss.

Time? That brings us to the time it takes to grieve. Grieving rituals are different in different cultures, so grief is expected to take different times in each. Grieving always takes time, sometimes much time. It may take a few days for leaving things, weeks for leaving friends, and months for the death of a loved one. Some people say that such bereavement should be over in a couple months, but it often takes much longer. Those who try to short-circuit the grieving process may experience problems years later.

Triggers? Long after your time of grieving seems to be over, you may suddenly feel the loss intensely again. “Triggers” (stimuli that bring back memories of the lost person, place, or thing) surprise you by suddenly reactivating the grief. You may not even realize that you saw, heard, or smelled something that brought back memories of the loss. Smell is especially likely to do this, and you will not even know why you thought of that person, place, possession, or pet.

Anniversaries are particularly difficult, especially wedding anniversaries. Birthday anniversaries are another difficult time. “First’s” are also difficult, such as the first Christmas or first family reunion. Related events in others’ lives may be difficult, such as the birth of a friend’s child bringing back the loss of your own—years later, when you thought the grief was gone.

Trauma? Missionaries may be more likely to experience traumatic situations. Other cultures may be more likely to have assault, political unrest, evacuations, bombings, killings, kidnappings, and so forth. When this happens to a missionary, others also become involved, and rightly so. Even though they did not experience the trauma firsthand, those helping also often grieve over the loss caused by the trauma.

Theology? When people in business get moved, they blame the company. When people in the military get moved, they blame the government. When missionaries get moved, they may blame not only administrators at headquarters, but also God himself. After all people have prayed about the move and have determined that it is God’s will. God called us; he made us move, and it is his fault. Naomi’s statements about God in Ruth 1:20-21 are excellent examples. Returning missionaries may feel just as she did.

· Be honest. The loss and grief you experience is real. Do not deny it; it really hurts. Do not over spiritualize it and say what a privilege it is to suffer for Jesus, if it is not. Be honest and open about your feelings of loss.

· Be informed. Reading this book and other material about grief helps you become informed. Realize that all of these “Ts” are especially relevant to missionaries.

· Be Christian. Too often Christians deny their feelings of grief. They may quote 1 Thessalonians 4:13 as saying that we are not “to grieve like the rest of men.” Do not stop there because the rest of the verse is “who have no hope.” We grieve, but like people who have hope. Look at what the Bible says:

· Jesus grieved. John 11:35. “Jesus wept” is one of the shortest but most important verses in the Bible. If he wept at the funeral of a friend, we certainly can grieve about our losses.

· Be missionaries. We have an excellent example of people saying good-bye to missionaries in Acts 20:17-21:1. Paul talked extensively about his leaving them, and then beginning in verse 36, note what they did:

This is a good example of the grief expressed at the parting of a missionary. Paul had ministered to them two years, and such grief is normal and expected. If you do not express the grief over your losses, it may remain unresolved and return to hinder your work. Be honest informed Christian missionaries relative to your loss and grief.

The physiological responses during emotion are probably quite similar from culture to culture. The conscious experiences during emotion probably are influenced somewhat by a person’s culture. The expressive behavior during motivation is even more likely to be influenced by a person’s culture. This may even be true in such things as facial expressions.

In the 1994 Psychological Bulletin James Russell published an article titled “Is there universal recognition of emotion from facial expression? A review of the cross-cultural studies.”

http://www2.bc.edu/~russeljm/publications/psyc-bull1994.pdf. At the end of this 40-page article summarizing more than 100 studies, he concluded that we still cannot answer this question definitively. On page 136 he said, “This is a topic on which opinions can differ. The merits of alternative explanations cannot now be decided on the basis of the empirical evidence available.”

Even though some missionaries may think they are able to recognize whether anger, happiness, grief, or guilt is being expressed in the faces of people in their host country, few would be likely to say that was possible for more than a dozen or so emotions. The differences in other behavioral expressions are probably even larger and more varied across cultures.

Missionaries are often cautioned to be aware of what kinds of gestures they make with their hands. What may be the sign that everything is all right in one culture may be an obscene gesture in another. However, even much more subtle behaviors such as handing something with the wrong hand can be an insult.

Some cultures encourage the open free expression of emotions while other cultures forbid showing emotion at all, even when alone. Emotional expression must be understood as a social/cultural phenomenon, not just as a physiological/cognitive one. There is no need to further elaborate this here. Anyone living in different cultures can provide numerous examples. Further information can be found at the following.

Stanford University has a Culture and Emotions Lab which specializes in this very area. Dozens of their publications are available in PDF format at the following.

By its definition, which includes both physiological responses and conscious experiences, emotion fits easily into the Christian perspective used in this book. The major theories of emotion also fit into the same perspective. The final part of the definition, expressive behavior, is also an important aspect for people living in other cultures because cultures vary so much in how they allow emotion to be expressed.

Emotion is the last of the traditional “academic” subjects that have been part of psychology from its beginning. The following chapters are about the more applied aspects of psychology. Although psychology has always had its application in some ways, World War II toward the middle of the twentieth century bought psychology to the forefront of treating people with psychological/emotional problems.